


Forgetting Bellamy Blake

by SherlockedCastiel



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Artist Clarke, F/M, Memory Loss, Minor Relationships, Protective Bellamy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-04-21
Packaged: 2018-03-19 23:23:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3628128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SherlockedCastiel/pseuds/SherlockedCastiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based after the season 2 finale. When Clarke is found unconscious, everybody is happy to have her home, especially Bellamy. But when she wakes up, she remembers nothing past the drop to the ground. Now Bellamy has to decide if he wants Clarke to remember her friends, and him, or whether the past is better left behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Bellamy, Jasper, Monty and Monroe had been the first ones to find the thing, but it clearly wasn't a threat. They had no weapons, no armor and they were passed out in some grass. When they'd spotted her it was obvious she needed help so they rushed forward, assuming it was a grounder. Bellamy had been the only one to recognize who it really was.

He'd stopped dead for a second then ran faster than anybody had ever seen him. He collapsed beside her and examined her face, which was so covered in bruises, mud and cuts that Bellamy could hardly see any of her skin. He checked the pulse and breathed for the first time. He cradled the limp body into his arms and readjusted her so she could breath easier.

Everybody else remained silent, still not seeing who it was. The clothes were grounder, as was the braids in the muddy hair. The girl looked like she'd become too skinny for her clothes, and the only possession on her was a bag. Luckily Bellamy told them without realizing they didn't know who it was.

"Oh Princess." He joked. "Where have you been? Everybody realized the familiar nickname.

"Clarke!" Jasper exclaimed and ran forward to grip her hand. "Don't you dare die without me forgiving you. Don't you even think about it." Bellamy smiled a little as the others came to surround her too. Monty smiled at Jasper, placing his head on his shoulder and squeezing his arm a little. He was proud of how far his friend had come, and he couldn't be happier that they'd found Clarke, he belonged in camp and he was glad Jasper could see that too.

Jasper had been such a wreck a year ago. He wouldn't talk to anybody, he spent all of his time working, so much his fingers kept bleeding. Monty had tried so desperately to talk to him with no results. Then about 4 months ago, Monty had gone for broke. From what Bellamy had been told, Monty had snapped at him, then the entire camp had silenced for the usually quiet boy yelling.

"We all lost people Jasper. We're all hurting, and we all feel responsible. But we're helping people, and we understand that life goes on. Friendships carry on, families carry on. Love happens again. Why is that so hard for you to understand?" And then Monty had left the tent. Jasper had realized he'd been so self absorbed he'd not thought about who Monty had lost. His parents hadn't made the drop. Monty had lost more than Jasper, yet he wasn't like this. He had spent his time trying to help his friend.

Monty had forgiven Jasper for his behavior, understanding the loss and they went back to normal almost. As normal as they could be in the circumstances. Over the next couple days Jasper made peace with everybody he'd blamed. Except Clarke. He'd prayed everyday for her to come back, feeling like he'd been responsible in some part for her leaving. Bellamy had already been trying to find her. Every hunt was a search in disguise. They left early, went as far as they could and returned before dark. Bellamy practically ran his distance, trying to get as far as he could, hoping he'd reach her. But he never did. Until now.

"You listen here Clarke, we're going to help you." Monty started thinking about her injuries and realized they needed to see how bad they were. He took his water and started to wash the water over her face to see how bad the damage was underneath the mud coating her face.

Luckily it wasn't as bad at it had first appeared. Most of the cuts were shallow, probably caused by catching her face on branches rather than cuts from grounders like Bellamy had first feared. However the bruises did look like she had been beaten. And when Bellamy moved her he realized there was blood on his hand. Her head was bleeding. That might explain why she was unconscious.

Bellamy stood, carrying her in his arms, trying as best as he could to support her head. He was shocked at how little she weighted. She was obviously malnourished, it was scary.

"Let's get her back to camp. Monroe, you're the fastest, you run and get Abby, tell her it's a girl with a wound on her head. Don't tell it's Clarke, she'll want to come and get her. Tell her it'll need stitches I think." Monroe nodded and started running ahead of them. It was only a 20 minute walk from camp, but Bellamy tried to jog it as best he could. He didn't want to risk too much blood getting out.

As they got into camp, people surrounded their entrance. Many of them repeated Clarke's name among themselves. Some sounded happy, others, mostly the adults sounded shocked. Since the dropship landed, the original 100 kids had taken to telling their parents, and anybody who wanted to listen about what they had done. More specifically, what Clarke had done. She was a living legend, back from the presumed dead. Her friends were the only ones who hadn't lost hope. Even her mother had disapproved the hunts to find her. She said it was a pointless effort now, and a waste of time.

As they brought Clarke into the medical center, it was clear Monroe had told her it was Clarke. She was crying because she was happy and worried all rolled into one, but Bellamy was grateful she was prepared for a patient.

"We found her unconscious. She hasn't woken and her heads bleeding." He placed her down as gently as he could and Abby immediately started examining her head.

"It's not too bad, but I need you to leave. Get Jackson." She practically pushed Bellamy out of the door and he ran to find Jackson.

Although it felt disrespectful, adults were sent to Mount Weather for supplies and to respectfully lay the dead to rest. This meant that Camp Jaha had supplies and the information to get supplies. At Mount Weather almost everything had to be made from the land, so it was still able to make it in the most part. Luckily for them, this included medical supplies. Lincoln had been a real help in this area too. He may have poisons, but he was good with antidotes too. Octavia and him had been readily accepted into the community.

The fact that their medical supplies were just as good, if not better, than they had been on the Ark, meant that Bellamy wasn't too scared for Clarke. She'd pull through, she was a brave fighter. He'd always respected her toughness, even when he didn't like her so much.

Bellamy retrieved Jackson and send him straight to help Clarke while he stationed himself outside the medical center to dismiss people who wanted to ask Abby something, or people asking for Clarke.

Raven had run as best as she could to find out if it was true about Clarke and Bellamy confirmed it. Ravens smile was larger than it had been in months and through her happiness she decided to throw her arms around Bellamy, but he didn't much feel like celebrating just yet. Raven went to tell people and left Bellamy thinking by himself.

He couldn't help but wonder what Clarke had been doing so close to camp. Had she been trying to get back into camp? Or had she been running from something? That would explain the scratches on her face. If she had been running fast she wouldn't have stopped to clean them up like she normally did and Bellamy noticed the wounds had been really dirty.

Perhaps she'd been captured by grounders. That would explain the bruises and maybe the wound to the head, but it seemed more likely she'd hit her head on something. Bellamy almost smiled. That girl had defied death on multiple occasions, yet here she was, taken down by a fall.

Bellamy couldn't stop thinking about what had led Clarke to leave, and what had kept her away. He'd hoped, at least a small part of him had anyway, that maybe she'd find a reason to come back, and maybe that reason could be him. But it was nothing more than a daydream in reality, wishful thinking. He only thought of her return in the quieter moments. He'd tried to keep busy, keep himself from going after her. Because he wanted to, and he honestly thought if Octavia wasn't here, he would go.

It had taken Bellamy too long to realize how much he needed and relied on Clarke. Since he'd been gone, he lacked motivation, he lacked wanting to help her. He missed her so badly, he wasn't sure he'd ever been without her. Everything before the dropship seemed like a lifetime ago, and he felt so disconnected with everything from it except Octavia. It was an odd sensation to look up at the sky and see his old home.

And now the ground was safe enough, grounders still posed a threat but it was manageable, and there were plenty of people to hunt and help out. They'd started to build a community, a home for the living. Yet it didn't feel like home without Clarke. They'd built a life on Earth together whether they liked it or not. He couldn't have done anything without Clarke, the kids left from the 100 were a constant reminder of what they could do together. They fought a war. They saved them all.

Bellamy looked the camp, and Clarke's own words echoed in his head.

"Seeing their faces everyday, will only remind me of what I did to get them here."

He didn't understand. Yes, seeing their faces everyday was a reminded of what they did, but it was a reminder of how much he cared for his people, for his friends. They reminded him he was willing to do anything for them, and it reminded him of how far his people had come, but they were still alive. He was reminded of his decision, but he wasn't saying it was the wrong decision.

Bellamy was brought food and water by Jackson because he refused to leave Clarke. Abby had informed him she was doing fine, but she hadn't woken up yet, and he didn't want to go until he made sure she was okay.

Eventually Abby came out and said she needed a shower. Bellamy would see blood and mud on her clothes and hands.

"You can stay with her until I come back. Keep people out. Get somebody to come find me if she wakes up." And she walked off in the direction of the temporary bathing area. They were still working out sanitation issues as a whole.

Bellamy didn't waste any time going to Clarke to see what the damage was. Her face was still a little dirty, so he looked for water and a clean cloth while she slept. She looked so beautiful and peaceful, Bellamy would be scared she wasn't breathing if he couldn't see the rise and fall of her stomach and chest. It was reassuring.

He dampened the cloth and started wiping as much of her face as possible, and even started washing some of the blood of her braids. Grounder braids. That just added to the mystery of what Clarke had been doing for all these months.

As he wiped her cheek to get the last few flecks of mud off, her lip twitched and her eyes screwed up and Bellamy's heart skipped a beat. She was waking up. He took the cloth and threw it on the floor beside him. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she seemed to react to it because she started to move slightly more.

"Clarke!" Bellamy exclaimed. "Clarke, don't move too much. You've hit your head." She mumbled something Bellamy didn't understand and opened her eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the light. She took a deep breath in and winced a little because of her head, but other than that, she seemed fine.

"Clarke, it's so good to see you. I'm glad you're back." Clarke didn't say anything but she continued to stare at Bellamy. He didn't have time to think before he did it, but before he knew it he was pressing his lips onto Clarke's for a brief moment, just to show how happy he was to se her. She pulled away quickly but Bellamy wasn't too hurt until he saw the look on her face.

She looked horrified. Not only that, she looked frightened for her life.

"Help!" She screamed. "Help me!" She pushed Bellamy away who backed up as quickly as he could.

"Clarke, it's me, what are you doing?" But she couldn't hear him, she carried on yelling.

"Help me! Please, somebody help me!" She was crying and Bellamy's own eyes were tearing up from her reaction. Abby ran into the room and saw Clarke crying and yelling. She rushed to her and supported her head.

"Mom! Mom! Help me!" She sobbed.

"Clarke, Clarke it's okay. I'm here. What happened?" She shot daggers at Bellamy who was still backed away with watering eyes. Clarke didn't answer, she was too busy looking around at the room.

"Where am I? This isn't the Ark." She wept into her mother who was beginning to look scared now.

"You're on the ground. Clarke, can you tell me what happened?"

"No. The ground isn't safe. Where are we mom?" Abby started to examine her daughter as quickly as she could. Clarke wasn't lying, she didn't know where they were. Bellamy was trying to understand what this means.

"You need to listen to me sweetheart, what's the last thing you remember?" Clarke calmed down a little but was still crying and shying away from Bellamy.

"I..I don't know. It's fuzzy. I remember...prison?" She said, clearly frightened from the new surroundings. Bellamy could heard his own heart beating in his chest because everything else turned to silence.

Clarke didn't remember him.


	2. Chapter 2

Bellamy fled the center before Clarke could say anything else. His head was spinning. She'd remember nothing from the ground. He was a stranger to her now. 

No longer would Clarke look at him with a understanding of him. She knew nothing of his past, with her or without her. She wasn't aware of...the horrible things they had done. 

Bellamy realized she'd have no memory of Mount Weather. This memory loss was a blessing for her, she'd no longer be plagued and run down with such guilt. She'd stay. She had too. 

But then he thought of all that she'd miss. She wouldn't know her true friends anymore, she'd have to relive every painful death like the death of Wells. 

She didn't even know who Finn was. 

Was that a good or a bad thing? He'd caused her such pain, but from what he could tell she still loved him. And wasn't love something worth remembering? 

Bellamy ran his fingers through his hair, conflicted beyond measures. Clarke would lose every bad memory she'd had since prison. But she'd lose every good one too. 

Every memory of the cold nights laughing around a fireplace, or the night Finn told him she'd gotten drunk in an old vehicle. Every conversation she'd ever had with Raven, Octavia, Jasper, Monty and just about every person that Clarke held dear except her mother. A mother she no longer remembered killed her father. 

He was so conflicted. Did the good really out way the bad? Couldn't he see this as a good thing? Now she was innocent again, she was lucky to have forgotten all the horrors in her past. 

But then if she remembered them, she'd be so crushed. Bellamy knew her, she'd never forgive herself this way. 

Even though Bellamy could hear Octavia shouting for him in the distance, he ignored it and returned to the medical facility. Clarke was sat on the bed being examined by Abby. She turned and looked at Bellamy. 

He couldn't breath. Nothing. Nothing in her face. She really didn't know him at all. 

"How's she doing?" Bellamy asked Abby was he hung around trying to look busy.

"Okay. She's suffering from memory loss, I can't tell if its temporary or permanent. Time will tell. She should start to recover a bit more of her memories gradually either way, but we won't know for sure until it happens."

"I'm right here you know." Clarke pointed out as Abby started washing the back of her hair with a damp cloth.

"Other than that she doesn't seem too different." Abby joked and despite of everything Bellamy smiled too. 

"My mom tells me you're Bellamy." Clarke says to him and it feels like a stab in the gut that she doesn't even know his name. 

"That's right." Bellamy says quietly, looking down and spotting Clarke's bag. Sticking out of it is quite clearly a pencil. She must have been drawing. Bellamy realizes quickly that it could be the key to unlocking her memories. All of them. 

"I'll give you two a moment." Abby says, removing herself from the room. 

"I'm sorry." Clarke surprises Bellamy by saying. 

"What for?" 

"For not remembering you." Clarke admits quietly. "I mean, we must have been friends. We must have been close." Bellamy couldn't help but chuckle at that one. 

"What is it?" She asks. Bellamy's not sure what it is, but she seems more...fragile. Weaker, even, than she was before. He supposed he'd forgotten what she used to be like on the Ark. The ground made her tougher than she needed to be. 

"Friends, maybe." Bellamy admitted. "Close? I don't think so. I mean, we basically leaded this place together, all the kids. We were a team. But, most of the time we hated each other." 

"I don't remember, I'm sorry. I'm sure I didn't hate you. I only hate one person, and his name is Wells." Bellamy froze on the spot. "Don't worry, my mother already told me. I asked about him." She said, a little sadder than before. 

"Right."

"But when I woke up, you..." Clarke stared at him. "If we weren't close, then why?" 

Bellamy wasn't sure he knew how to explain his one. "I was just happy you were awake. I've missed you, you've been gone a little while. I'm sorry I scared you." 

"I'm sorry I over-reacted." Clarke looked a little embarrassed. "It's just...that was my first kiss." She was so genuine. And god, how Bellamy wished it was true. 

"I wasn't aware of that." He said quietly, turning away from her. This was too much for him. 

The one person who'd believed in him he was now a stranger too.Nobody understood the pain of his past quite like Clarke. He'd always hidden it from Octavia, but he'd shared himself with Clarke with everything he'd had. And now it was gone. 

But everything painful from her past was gone too. Almost. Her father, maybe not, but that was all now. 

If the positions had been reversed, if it had been him, he knew what he'd want Clarke to do. 

He turned back and smiled as best as he could, hoping the watery eyes didn't give him away. 

"Clarke, I look forward to getting to know you again. Maybe this time I'll do it better." 

"I'd like that." Clarke said just as Abby walked into the room. Bellamy quickly scooped up the Clarke's bag and headed out the door, only pausing quickly to look at Clarke one last time, to confirm he was doing the right thing. He was. 

"See you later Princess." He said quickly and departed. Clarke turned to her mom who had a fresh set of clothes for her. 

"Princess." She repeated. "That does sound familiar."


	3. Chapter 3

Bellamy had managed to avoid Clarke for two weeks now after her accident, however he had been reading her journal, so he still felt oddly like he was spending time with her. It was a fascinating read, but he had only gotten about 3/4 of the way through. Still he know knew more about Clarke's life than she did, or anybody else and he wasn't sure he should tell anybody. 

Clarke had become a grounder. According to her she'd claimed to be one the grounders captured by Mount Weather, and joined a small clan as a medic. She wrote about how she'd be trained to hunt again, trained to kill. Luckily, she never had. 

"They've given me a bed in their village now. I share a tent with a mother and her child who seems to have something wrong with their lungs. At first I thought it something serious, but I believe it's just asthma now. I've been teaching the young one breathing exercises, and the mother and her are very kind to me. I do like the village. It feels stable to me after the running, however I still have to earn their trust. Telling them I knew Lincoln helped. He was quite the reputation around the grounders, but he is known here as a healer. This means they can trust me. Still the worst injury I have had to deal with is a broken arm. Apart from that it's mostly animal-inflicted wounds from hunting. They could take some advice from Bellamy it seems." 

Bellamy wasn't sure how to feel about the amount of times he was mentioned in the journal. It was mostly in pasting, just like there, but sometimes she spoke about him directly, without talking about other sky people, which made him feel a little proud strangely.

"I hate remembering them. I miss them so much. It's even difficult not to miss Bellamy, despite our beginnings. He taught me more about life than the ground I think. He'd hate me for saying this, but he taught me how to put on a brave face. I saw right through his stupid act almost immediately, although it still took me longer than I would have liked.

Not a single person could be that heartless when they were willing to kill somebody just for the chance to be with their sister. And he loves her so deeply. Makes me wish I had little brother or sister. Although I suppose the children I came to Earth with in a strange way did. Octavia is so lucky to have him as a brother.It worked that Bellamy pretended to be brave. We never would have lived without it. I owe him so much. And Lexa was right. I do care for him, which is why it's important I remember what Bellamy taught me as I start my new life."

Bellamy got quite emotional at this one. She cared about him. That was almost enough for him to go and find her in camp, but he wouldn't want to disturb her. She seemed to be settling in quite well to camp. Bellamy had given every person he could think of that might trigger Clarke's memories and asked for their help. With a little convincing they'd agreed not to push her to remember. They would be vague, not talk about what she did, and if they had to, make stuff up. Bellamy was surprised they had agreed, but they all said, if given the choice, they didn't think they'd choose to remember either. 

Bellamy was also sure not to show the journal to anybody. It would probably be the most triggering thing for her. She'd written about everything, it was clear she'd started the journal just after she'd found the bunker with Finn. At least that's what Bellamy thought, as the time was right. The entries were shorter back then, and the pencil was a little faded. Clarke must have left the journal there and gone back for it, as there's a gap when the war with the grounders was. From what Bellamy could tell, she must have lived in the bunker for as long as she could. 

That gave her plenty of time to talk about what had happened to her since dropping to the ground, even the stuff Bellamy under no circumstances wanted to know. 

"I lost my virginity today. I can't believe it."

This was Bellamy's least favorite entry. He didn't like to be reminded of Clarke and the Spacewalkers relationship, especially not this aspect of it. He was surprised that Clarke rarely discussed Finn after this, except to talk about his death. Bellamy was also not happy to read she's kissed Lexa. Still, he wasn't sure he could be jealous of her as by the sounds of it, they didn't part on sweet sorrows. Bellamy shakes the thought as he keeps reading. 

"I swear I must be going crazy. I keep seeing my friends everywhere. I keep thinking I can spot Octavia's grounder braids from a distance, which I forgot to compliment, and realize it's not her. I keep hearing laughter and thinking it must be Monty and Jasper. They also made me laugh. I remember Harper asking me once if they were a couple. I laughed then, but now I think she had a point. I don't know though, I'm not really one to know about love. There's only one person I ever thought about that way. But then I remembered I'm crazy and dismissed the idea entirely."

Bellamy couldn't help but smile at this. She was a good writer and she made Bellamy laugh very often in her work. It made him miss her more. It was so strange, seeing her every day, but knowing it wasn't her. Not really. She was missing so many of the pieces he'd grown to love in her. It was too hard to be around a girl who used to know the real him. How could he even begin to have that kind of closeness with her again?

Something had become obvious to Bellamy since Clarke had come back. He'd loved her. He'd be a fool to deny it now. The yearning after she'd gone, the missing her that never faded, the searching, the relief when they'd found her and the kiss. Not to mention the pain that she didn't know him. He couldn't believe he hadn't admitted it to himself before. It was so clear now he'd realized. And now he could watch the girl he loved forget every part of him. He couldn't stand being around her because she used to make him whole. But now he just felt empty.

Before at least there was the possibility of them finding her, but now it didn't feel like they'd found her at all. Bellamy felt like the journal was more Clarke than her body. 

"I keep thinking I hear Bellamy call me Princess, and I can't help but want to hear him call me it one more time. I left things with him so badly, I wish I'd done things differently. In all honesty, a small part of me wished I'd stayed. I think I choose to say goodbye to Bellamy because I thought he'd be the only person who might have convinced me to stay. And he'd been so close. I don't know what else it would have taken. Maybe nothing would have. Bellamy knew me best, I thought he would have know." 

The next entry was the shortest Bellamy had read. 

"I dreamed about him again."

Bellamy reread it, hoping he would suddenly realize who Clarke was referring to, but no such luck. He scanned read the next few pages until he found what he had hoped for. 

"Bellamy was with me. He was stroking my face, glad he had found me. I am was happy too. He told me things to make everything better, and he'd kissed me until I believed them. Funny how dreams only make you sadder once you've had them. I forgot how much I missed camp. I've been trying to forget Bellamy too, and how much I miss him."

Bellamy saw the irony even with his slightly elevated mood. She'd managed to forget him all right. But she'd missed him, and dear god, she'd dreamed of kissing him. Bellamy could hardly believe it. 

Bellamy thought of Clarke's feelings for him, and how he felt about her. Surely, the core of her was still the same. Even if she hadn't been through everything she had before, she was still almost the same person. If he loved her then, what was to stop him loving her now?

And maybe, just maybe, Clarke would feel the same about him now without knowing his past. 

Maybe she didn't have memories of them before, but why should that stop Bellamy from making new memories? From Bellamy falling in love with the same girl again? The answer was simple. It didn't. 

She'd cared for him once, and Bellamy was gonna try and make it happen again. She used to know him, and she'd get to know him again. He'd show her everything he had before. And if he was lucky enough, she'd see him again.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke was sitting in one of the smaller tents with Jasper and Monty. They were talking to her about the Unity day celebration they'd had one earth, but very loosely. It was the basics like 'We all got wasted.'

Bellamy listened for a while but was worried they'd trigger her do he interrupted them at a reasonable stopping point.

"Hey guys. Thought I'd come over and say hello." Bellamy said, looking directly at Clarke who smiled at him politely.

"Hi." She said and Jasper and Monty did too.

"It looks like its a bit cramped in here, did you maybe want to go for a walk?" Bellamy suggested and Clarke got up. She wasn't so sure of herself since coming down. Everything was new to her, even the people and she didn't know exactly what to say. Most of these people knew her but weren't familiar to her. It led to some awkward conversations so she figured it was simpler to stay quiet.

"We'll pass thanks Bellamy. We appreciate the privacy though." Jasper joked, kissing Monty on his cheek despite Monty playfully trying to push him away. That was new, Bellamy noticed. Still good for them. 

"Ew gross lovebirds. Keep it to yourself." Bellamy complained, throwing a sock from the side at their heads. He quickly left the tent, leaving behind the protests of the boys. Clarke soon followed.

Most of her bruises and cuts had healed by now luckily and as it was warm she was wearing a loose fitting T-shirt so he could see her arms. They had a few scars on them which Bellamy was sure would stay. He weirdly recognized one of them from what Clarke had written.

One the younger members had been trapped under some debris in a nearby village. Clarke had got him out but cut her arm pretty badly. She'd said she'd been too bust treating the boy to get herself sorted and had made it worse.

Bellamy always felt a twinge of guilt when he saw one of the original 100 kids with a scar. Or even still cuts or bruises that they've gained over the past year. He feels responsible and continually asks himself the same questions.

'Is there more I could have done?'

'Could I have stopped this child from being hurt?'

And Bellamy always comes to the same conclusion. Yes. He doesn't know how, but he wanted to think he could have done something, anything, to stop them getting hurt. He knows he would now.

"You're staring." Clarke says, small smile on her face. She was so innocent now, nothing was weighing her down. Even the blow of losing her father was softened by having her mother here and by being on the ground. It was her fathers dream too.

"I'm not staring just... Doesn't it bother you that you don't remember where you got hurt?" He asked. Clarke looked thoughtful for a moment.

"It bothers me that everybody else knows. Except for the past year, everybody knows my past. I was told I went missing but they're guessing too. I hate being the only one in the dark." She explained as she took a seat on a log near the floor. She was still recovering. Bellamy took the seat next to her.

"Would you want to know? You know if you knew somebody who did remember?" Bellamy had to be careful what he said. She may have memory loss, but she was still smart. She peered down at her arm, a large bunch of scars were scattered on there and she quickly examined all of them.

"These don't look like accidents." She pointed out. "I'm not sure but I don't like the idea of finding out. Still... It's difficult not knowing."

Bellamy tried away, knowing his face would give him away. His eyes were tearing up. He knew what most of the scars were. At the top of her arms she had maybe 7 or 8 small scars from quite deep cuts. They were from Clarke giving blood.

She'd been tested on the Ark quickly apparently and she had a O type blood so it was compatible with anybody. She'd been asked to give blood a couple times on the Ark, but she was still young. She'd written a women was losing blood quickly so Clarke just used a quick tube and a couple of cuts to transfer the blood. Turns out Clarke was compatible with the blood down here too.

There was no way of testing the grounders so she was the only person that could give blood. It was only in case of an emergency though. Clarke was the only medic that Bellamy could tell and the cases she'd described were awful.

"What if somebody else knew?" Bellamy said quickly. "I mean if we could go find somebody. Would you go see them?" Clarke looked thoughtful and sat cross legged on the ground on a patch of grass she's spotted. Bellamy did the same facing her.

"Bellamy, would you tell me something?" She asked and Bellamy feared the worst.

"I will."

"Am I a bad person?" Bellamy was shocked at the question.

"Why would you ask that?"

She looked down at her hands, playing with them to keep herself from getting upset. "I went to jail. I came down to earth and now I'm covered in cuts and injuries. I was away from everybody, and nobody will tell me why." She took a deep breath. "And it's the way people look at me sometimes. They don't think I see them, but I do. They stare at me, like they're afraid or scared for me, or even because of me. My mom doesn't look at me how she used to. These people that say they're my friends, and I like them, but I catch them looking at me." Her voice broke slightly. "And they look at me like they're afraid. Did I do something bad?"

Bellamy felt his chest ache at her pain. He knew why they were looking like that. If she was to remember, it would destroy her. It was clear she was just as innocent as they day she came down. A day where Bellamy remembered her running to stop him opening the dropship doors. She said the air could be toxic, but she still stopped to comment on how Bellamy was hurt. He never forgot that. They could have all been dead, but she was still concerned for one little injury. He knew how if he'd let her, she would have tried to help him with the cut on his hand, no matter what the air was like. She was back to that girl now. The caring healer with a full heart of love.

"Clarke, the things we all did down here...what we did to survive, it almost killed us. And it killed many of us. People I knew, people you knew. They passed away. We all did things we're not proud of to survive." He took hold of her hand gently. "People are looking at you differently not because they are afraid of you, but because you show they what we used to be. Before we came down to earth. Before we lost who we did. And they feel sad knowing how different things are now."

"But did the things we do make us bad people?" She insisted, and Bellamy knew she needed an answer.

"Who we are and who we needed to be to survive are two very different things. We did what we had to do. You did what you had to do." Bellamy recalled what he'd said before, a long time ago, but it still felt it mattered here.

"Thank you." She said quietly, and Bellamy felt he still hadn't answered the question.

"Yes."

"Yes what?"

"Yes, I think you're a good person. In fact, I know you are. When I met you, you were the most compassionate, giving, loving person I knew. Granted, we were surrounded by criminals, but still. You never stopped trying to help and heal people. You were our medic, and we all trusted you with our lives in the blink of an eye. Anything you did, you did for your people. But it never turned you bad, and you're still that person. I can see it." He said quickly, barley thinking about what he was saying. He didn't need to, he was simply vocalizing thoughts that he'd repeated in his head dozens of times before. She smiled and squeezed his hand in response.

"Thank you." Her hair fell forward and Bellamy, despite knowing it was a cheesy move, moved it away from her face and tucked it gently behind her ear with his free hand.

"Is what you said why you look at me the way you do?" Clarke pointed out and Bellamy grinned.

"Yes. It's nice to be reminded of who we used to be. But that doesn't mean who we are now is any worse." She returned the smile and they reminded silent for a few more moments, unsure of how to continue from this point. Bellamy forgot how nice it was to just look at Clarke. To have her there with him.

"You're not going to kiss me again are you?" She joked and Bellamy joined in her quiet laughter. He'd been thinking about it.

"Not unless you wanted me to Princess."

"There it is again. Why does that sound so familiar?" She asked and Bellamy thought about it.

"Princess? That's what I always used to call you. Why, do you remember it?" He was scared then, what if she was remembering?

"Not really. It feels familiar. Natural." She took his other hand and Bellamy stopped being fearful, and began to be hopeful instead. It finally felt like Clarke had returned to him. She was home.


End file.
